The Big Question

         You get one shot at this. Well, this is generally not done as much anymore. I mean, how many people get married these days? With all the statistics about divorce it’s a wonder people still tie the knot. But here I am, ready for the next step in my relationship and chapter in my life. For us guys, it’s probably the most stressful time! You’re wondering what to say, how to bring it up and hoping for a good reaction. There’s nothing better than hearing that one syllable, three letter word, “Yes.” You need to do this right the first time or why bother doing it in the first place?

I first met Alex at the local Panera restaurant. Needless to say I was incredibly nervous but who wouldn’t? I mean things start off a little awkward. You’re not really sure what you have to talk about. Do you have anything in common? Will they laugh at my corny jokes? Will they get my pop references? Will the car I drive matter? What if I don’t make enough in my current job? Thank God that we hit things off pretty well. Not really sure how it happened really but we just clicked. Dinner started to become a regular occasion. Our conversations moved past the trivial weather and how our days went. Topics began to dig deep into beliefs, life goals and dreams. We were on the same page and I couldn’t be happier. Things were going great. But that’s when it really hit me. It’s that time. One year has come and gone and I need to make my move. That’s right. It’s time for the big question!

 I’ve been preparing all day and it’s time to execute the plan. I like to keep things really simple and so I asked Alex to meet me at the local Panera that night. As I sat in the booth begging my body not to sweat, I began to do some breathing exercises. Not only did they not work but I felt like I was hyperventilating. 

Get it together David. Alex is walking to you right now. Take it easy. We’ve been planning this all day. It’s time to grow a pair and man up. You got this! Muster up every ounce of confidence in this body and formulate those well rehearsed sentences. Bring out that passion and speak with a rich tone. Let there be no hint of deception, share your feelings with complete transparency and just be yourself.

“Hey how are ya?”

No turning back now.

“Pretty good and you?”

“I’ve been a little anxious lately but I’m sure it’ll pass.”

Great response David. Now go with it.

“Anxious? About what?”

“Well, that’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about tonight. Last year we met at this Panera. It was a little nerve wracking for me and I’m sure it was awkward for you too. But during this past year we’ve gotten pretty close and comfortable with each other. I’ve been thinking all day how I would bring this up but I figured the best way is to be completely 

blunt and straight to the point.

The ring David.

“David, is this a…”

“There is no one I love more. I’ve been searching for a very long time, hoping to find the one. I’ve hinted at this before in our conversations. I believe that now, more than ever before, I’m ready for this next step.

“David, I don’t know what to say...”

“This may seem like a big surprise but I just need you to say yes, or at least some variation of agreement, when I ask you this next question.

Alex, do I have your permission to marry your daughter?”

And the rest was history…

SOS27

We walk on these familiar streets

Sharing stories and the joy of laughter

The city sleeps

And the sight of your eyes 

Underneath the moonlight is what I'm after

The night is full

Nothing is seems more bright

But smile my dear

Prove me wrong

We walk over this familiar bridge

Still waters underneath

Only to be moved

By the gentle breeze

It catches your hair

And like a thief I'm caught

I tried to make off with a kiss but you pull away

No one sees

The city still sleeps

We walk to this familiar door

We think so much

And say so little

Dare I move closer?

We stare at each other but neither moving forward

It's now or never

Before I can even decide

One finger decides for me

All that you say

The only thing that rings in my heart to this day,

"The city is still asleep..." 

Why Do I Keep Writing About Love?

This isn't a poem. I'm taking a sort of break from those for now. It's been a while since I've shared what's on my mind and heart. To put it out there first of all, thank you for reading this blog. It is greatly appreciated and I honestly hope that it helps you in your life in some way. 

I tend to write poems with a specific theme. As many of you can probably guess I enjoy writing about romance and relationships. Whether this is between two people or our relationship with God, I can't help but write with this specific theme. I know what some of you might be thinking:

- He's so sensitive

- Dude you need to lay off the rom coms

- No one actually reads your stuff bro

- What a sap

- Will he stop writing this lovey dovey crap

- What's so great about love man?

- Just shut up already with this long list of imaginary quotes

It's true that some of you are thinking that way now. I would like to first address that if you don't like my writing than by all means you don't have to read it. Some may disagree with how much I share about my life and some may think it's a blessing. Either way, I would like to say that I am smart enough to keep specific details of my life between be and a few close friends. However, there are plenty of things in my life that I believe people can relate to. This is a great transition into what I want to talk about next. The best way that I can explain why I write this theme over and over again is quite simple. 

I truly believe that love is the most powerful experience, thing, entity, feeling and force ever.

My parents officially divorced when I was 19 years old but were separated since I was 10.

The thought of marriage scares me to my absolute core.

As much as I write about love time and time again, the idea of spending life with another is simultaneously terrifying, intriguing and beautiful.

We are all made to love something and in our world today there are so many things to love.

I'm not going to bother listing anything out you guys are smart enough to think of a few things right now.

I've probably said this before but it's good to say it again.

Even though my parents are divorced, I believe that my marriage won't end the same way.

There are plenty of scenarios that have played out in my head that would test this statement.

I get it and I have no evidence to persuade you as to why I believe this.

The reason I have faith is because I choose to believe that God is love.

And if I truly believe in my mind and heart that this is real, I will also believe that He will never leave me.

I want to demonstrate this same love to the future Mrs.

I've talked to numerous couples from all across the spectrum:

- Newly engaged couple

- Newlyweds

- Married for 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, 4 years, 8 years, 18 years, 20 years, 30 years.

I'm only 22 and I know that marriage takes work. Though I may not know the extent to how much is put in, I do know that it will be the most challenging and rewarding part of your life.

And with this statement, I will also say that it is great that I am single.

What better time to prepare for the rest of my life than right now?

I've made plenty of relationship mistakes in my life and will probably make a whole lot more.

I've second guessed my actions, blamed God for a lot of problems in those relationships and even used Him as a scapegoat.

Getting into a dating relationship is not going to automatically fix those problems and personal insecurities. I've had that mindset for so long and it is wrong!

I need to be responsible for my own growth as a person.

Anyway, I need to focus on what God has called me to right now.

I have a job to do, a ministry to serve and people to love.

More importantly, there is a God that I have done wrong over and over again.

I've been so selfish with my time and my relationship with God is becoming more of an obligation.

If the non-negotiable for dating is whether or not the woman loves and fears God, I should be able to say that I love and fear Him too.

To kinda end this little whatever it may be, I will say that I have no idea when God will grace me with a wife.

He can honestly take His sweet time because I know I'm not ready.

If He says otherwise then I don't know really. I'd probably be praying a bunch about it.

Everyone says, "You'll just know."

This is probably the most helpful advice for single people (completely sarcastic).

But, I will probably say the same thing when it happens to me which does not help the future teenagers I will undoubtedly talk to in the future.

I like where I'm at in life.

Sometimes it's hard. When I see friends get engaged or married, it kinda makes me think about when it will happen to me.

I don't have it all figured out and I'm not always optimistic.

There are times when waiting really sucks and I want to settle for the next cute girl I see.

This is my struggle and it's a good thing.

Even though there are times I would like to settle I never go through with it.

I blame it on a couple of awesome ex-girlfriends and some really godly women in my life.

So for my fellow single friends out there, I understand some of your frustrations and happiness.

Love is real.

Even though circumstances and past experience may point to the contrary, I'm here to say that love is just as alive today as it was yesterday.

It's worth waiting for, worth sharing and worth a lifetime.

Love is and will always be, above everything.

For Sky Gazers

There is a sky I wish to see

The vibrant colors reflect your personality

The clouds show off your creativity

And whether it is sunrise or sunset,

There is only beauty

I can't explain why this intangible masterpiece is 

Still elusive to my sight

Will you find me?

Or shall I search for you?

If so, where are you hiding and where shall I start?

I've surveyed this land, scanned my eyes across the seas

But looking at a horizontal direction

I only see glimpses

Bits and pieces of something truly remarkable

Different personalities here and inspiring creativity there.

Every so often there is something beautiful to behold

Words to describe and lungs to breathe it in

But I want to lose all of that when I look up and see you

I have yet to see a sky worth my gaze.

I want you to be the first

Before the sun sets today

There is a thirst that pleads to be satisfied

To drink in every moment at first sight

Will you let me find you?

Or shall I wait here?

Who Knocks Anymore?

I think that with the advancement of technology

We are moving forward

We have more ways to communicate

More ways to connect

We even have doorbells to replace knocking

How simple is life nowadays?

It seems all too often that even though we are moving forward

The only thing that knocks anymore is the past

And when it comes, things get complicated don't they?

Out with the old and in with the new I say

But still it knocks hoping to stay a while and catch up

The last thing I should do is exactly that

Don't give me your coat or ask me where to hang your hat because

You're leaving through the same way you just entered

I'm a different person these days

You may even say new altogether

It was silly of me to even answer the door right?

I mean, who knocks anymore?
Next time I will know better

Because I'm moving forward

The past isn't going anywhere

But I am,

Here in the present

And looking towards a brighter future

For A Teenager

Give me anything but routine

Breakfast in the morning

School throughout the day

Lunch is not mandatory

Extracurriculars in the afternoon

Homework at night

And dinner with the family

Depending on the day it could come before homework

But let's not get too crazy

I mean it takes some effort to keep to this schedule

And yet I need something to survive

So give me acceptance wrapped in nicotine

Give me reputation clothed in sex

Give me relationships held together by social media

Anything but routine

Every day has become a game of hide and seek

A game of follow the leader

And a game of Red Rover

I want to be on the right side

Who likes to be alone all their life?

I'm no Emily what's her name from English class

It's nice to be a person people looked up to

The hard part is trying to hide not only those cigarettes

But who my parents want me to be

What they want me to do

And where they want me to go in life

Go to high school

Get good grades

Go to college

Get good grades

Go to work

Get a good salary

Go to church

Get on your knees and pray

Go through life

Get a good spouse

Go through life

Get a good retirement

And this is supposed to be the schedule of my life until death?

All that I do is 

Go...go...go...

In order to 

Get...get...get

Something that is

Good...good...good

I guess that's why grades stop at "F"

They leave the last letter for the rest of your life after school's done

What if I want something other than good?

I want something:

Fantastic

Extravagant

Daring

Challenging

Beautiful

Amazing

Is this allowed?

Instead of going somewhere in order to simply get,

Can I do something in order to feel?

Can I donate something in order to provide?

Can I stand above something and simply be in awe?

I'm so sick of routine and I feel that as I get older

None of it changes

So I guess for now I need something else

Until I can stop going and getting something good

I guess I'll keep going to drugs, sex and social media

To get my daily fix of acceptance and popularity

Building relationships with numerous people in order to feel good about myself

If there's anything better than routine

May it come closer to where I am

Because I'm sick of hiding.

For The Romantic Soul

My love,

This may be too bold to say but

Will you let me romance you?

I see you're in shock

My dear it's only because you haven't seen better

You were never meant to settle as if you're inferior

You were meant to be a partner

Someone has tricked you into believing that good is somehow normal

Again I say,

Let me romance you

Let me sweep you off your feet with candlelit dinners or a delightful cup of coffee.

Let me make you blush with sweet gifts and whisper sweet truths in your ear

Let me make you a masterpiece or create an original piece of art.

Let me hold your hands to remind you of reality and let me taste your lips to blur the lines.

May our conversations bring your heart joy and revive that remarkable glimmer in your eyes.

May the hope of fairytales and happily ever afters never fade or stray away.

Let me romance you my sweet darling.

Let this love spark your imagination and bring you to a world of endless possibilities.

May that spark burst into flames and bring forth a new burning passion.

Let me run after you during days of laughter and carry you through times of hurt.

Let me walk beside you in days of doubt and gaze with you in times of comfort.

Let me romance you my love.

Let me into a world that none have entered.

It’s not an amusement park, nor shall it be treated as such.

I only bring you a heart in love that is backed by my word.

Test me by the standard of exceptional character and honesty.

Find evidence through faithfulness, trust, integrity, purity, patience and grace.

Let me be clear with you.

Your love means everything to me and though I am limited in time and resources, I can guarantee commitment.

I can’t guarantee promises because life’s circumstances can always alter those plans.

But my commitment to you and only you will never break.

Let me romance you my beautiful princess.

I have but one lifetime and I desire to share it with you.

I want to dance with you until our feet bring us both to paradise.

I want to sing with you until the very last breath.

I’m hoping to give you my best at the beginning and make every effort to keep it there until the end.

This is my heart's true desire

And if these words seem too lavish or too good to be true then by all means disregard all that has been said today

I only ask that you let me show you what makes me feel alive

Let me show you the difference between feeling and knowing.

Let me show you the difference between thinking and doing.

Let me show you the difference between dreaming and being.

Let me show you the difference between me and everyone else.

Let me show you true romance my dear.

For Those Who Want To Dive

What I lack would persuade you

If only it came so readily upon your sight

But it stands with me on the high dive,

Unwilling to jump…

And so I stand in front of you

Stumped and internally frustrated

Where risk and reward meet I find myself tucked in the corner

Reaching high for the prize

But pulling back as sight moves forward

You see, one question would make the difference

It would tear down the walls,

Break the ice as it were

Thus creating a masterpiece called opportunity

But the dive is high,

The water deeper still and opportunity is rapidly melting away

With every second passing the puddle becomes bigger

I’m begging you to please give me more time

Don’t walk away just yet

Sixty seconds left on the clock and time starts now

-The water is waiting to be tested

Get rid of your inhibitions

And give risk a taste

*But what if time is invested

And it turned out to be a waste

I don't want to go from shallow to deep

Only to find it that it was shark infested

I don't want to get hurt or barely come out alive

-This isn't life or death

It’s only a dive

You’re more than capable

And more than prepared to handle this next step

*I’m going to jump but what if I sink to the bottom?

You’re not catching me when I fall

And gravity can be very unforgiving

What if my form looks ugly because I stalled for too long?

I’m not so sure about this

-Calm down...

Focus...

Pray for peace to give your mind some clarity

Do what comes naturally

Opportunity is still intact

And in all actuality

Fear is more bark than bite.

Faith is on your side

So forge ahead to the edge of the diving board

And as I said before,

Free yourself of those inhibitions

You can do this

*Well then…

Here goes nothing…

For the Average Man

Man up...

Recognize your responsibility

And live up to them

Expect pressure to be overwhelming

Stress to be suffocating

And difficulties to be only the beginning

Don't be some sissified male

Giving in to temptation and sin with the

Same ease as opening a door

Put aside your masculine pride

And embrace your identity as

A soon to be immaculate bride

A prodigal son

A friend who is forgiven by the one who was forsaken

Let this old life go

It is done

Wake up...

From your dream of complacency

Sleeping in your bed of fickleness

And keeping your body lukewarm with

A blanket of apathy

This life is no illusion

Reality is confusing

But don't be delusional or naive to think

That your life is not worth living

You're only fooling yourself

If you believe that standing on the sidelines is better than fighting on the front lines.

Just sit down junior

Don't stand up unless you're going to step up.

Have some backbone

Live with integrity and character

Look past the fear from circumstance

With a faith founded on truth

And a hope based on love

You can pretend to be a man

With your solo acts of selfishness

Screaming for attention

Simultaneously scared of sensitivity

No one is stopping you

Because the real men are walking in the opposite direction.

You can join us when you're done behaving like a brat and become a child at heart.

For Those Who Want to Climb the Mountain

The mountain stands

Proud and tall

Ready to be moved,

To crumble and to fall

I've climbed it before

To elevate my ego

But it was all in vain

I couldn't handle the terrain while fighting 

the gravity of ambition and the slippery slope of sin

Never again shall I climb this mountain

Because this mountain is not for the genuine or honest man

It's a haunting realization of what a worldly man looks like

Proud and tall

Ready to be moved,

To crumble and to fall

This glorified hill

Majestic in stature and

Even appealing to the eye

It may be taller than the lilies in the grass

But as mighty as it may stand

And boast of the land in owns

It can easily be surpassed by an even more majestic sky

Eclipsed by the lightest of clouds

And moved by one mustard seed alone

Climb the mountain if you will

As I will not stop you

But don't humor the enemy

And do so out of duty

It's not a mountain of obligation

But a place of false identity

And unnecessary salvation

The ascent brings a sense of freedom from guilt

Yet, when it returns indefinitely

You'll find that you've been descending and

Heading towards eternity

But there's always another path

As Frost once said that "will make the difference"

It will separate the man from the child

The clean from the vile

The one who sings of deliverance and

The one who worships the idol

So why insist on the tough climb when

There's a path worth taking

Filled with people walking and talking at the same time

Let us scoff at this obstruction

For it holds no authority on masculinity

It's an obstacle in the way

That can easily be moved

Show me your faith

And an enemy to prove wrong

Because to truly be a man is not measured by

The width of his wealth or

The height of his name

Such things have no depth

Much of it is glorified

But it is only a hill

True masculinity calls upon us to be still,

To be eclipsed by a greater love and

Surpassed by a stronger purpose

For Those Feeling Defeated

My friend David still has a copy of a poem I wrote a few years ago.

I remember that he used it as a devotional tool for the A Capella choir one time when he was one of the chaplains.

After reading it over again, it encouraged me so much that I wanted to share with you.

Of course, I updated it a little to make it grammatically correct.

The only line I added was, "The Way, the Truth and the Life."

Other than that, everything is the same. 

May this bless your heart :)

Stay Strong

By: Houth Som

Stay strong

In circumstances

That may tempt you

Persuade you

To do what is wrong

Stay strong

This earthly place is 

Not where you belong

Someday you’ll be in paradise

With the maker of heaven and earth

One of matchless worth

The Way, the Truth and the Life

Stay strong

When living selflessly

You’re misunderstood

By those who conform

To the patterns of this world

Confused, they assume

What is good is what they can gain

Stay strong

The Lord will guide you

Past every hurt and pain

He will sustain you

Pick you up once again

Stay strong

In the shadow of His wings

So you can sing and dance

In worship to the Most High whose

Blessings flow from heaven

And outnumber all the raindrops that

Fall from the sky

Stay strong

For the worries of this place will

Diminish

Vanish

As you finish the race

It’s not long

Until you meet Him face to face

And hear the words,

“Well done my good and faithful servant.”

As you wait for these spoken words

Stay strong in His promise

For Those Late Night Writers

If I miss one moment

From the gentle kiss of sunshine

To the crashing of summer waves

Then I'll paint a portrait

If I miss one chapter

From the season of independence

To the start of a legacy

Then I'll write a novel

If I miss one sentence

From the phrase of three words

To the truth revealed in those words

Then I'll create a song

If I miss this life

From the moments of inspiration

To the chapters unwritten

Then I've already taken my sentence

For People Who Run

"She's gone AWOL again."

"Who?"

"Who else?"

"Are you serious? Well, get ready to write another incident report. If she's not back in fifteen minutes then notify DCF, police and parents."

"Got it."

This was a normal occurrence when I worked at the Lowell Starr program. Some of the teens living at the home would leave for the sake of smoking to relieve stress or simply because it was hard to go a day without one. Sometimes, they would leave because they did not want to stay in the same area as the person they had fought (verbal and/or physical) moments earlier. Some kids would have a high risk of running away either from the home or school and end up going to where they used to live. Most times they come right back. Other times they stay with friends or family only to be found out by the police. As much as some of these kids try to run away, they either come back or someone finds them, at least in my experience at this particular program. Once they left the security of the program, it was not our responsibility to chase after them. We try our best to deescalate the situation before a person goes AWOL in order to keep them in the house by talking with them, taking them on walks or leaving them in their room. If they leave, we notified the proper authorities and leave them be. We would not chase down a client and leave the rest of the staff out of ratio with the rest of the group. Eventually, they come back willingly or is escorted back by the proper authorities.

Growing up I was always a runner. By that I mean I was pretty fast and still am. I loved running and rarely did I get tired while playing sports. I remember playing pick up ball with my friend Mike during my sophomore year in college and him telling me, "Houth, stop running. You just don't get tired." 

If you're reading this Mike I'm sorry I couldn't go to your last home game at ENC but I hope you guys rock it in the playoffs!

Anyway, running was always something fun to do and as I got older, running became an outlet when I became upset, angry or confused. I remember so often I would run along Wolly beach at night with my iPod not caring who recognized me. 

You see, just like some of the teenagers at the Starr, I am a runner. 

I run away when circumstances in my life become overwhelming

I run away when people I feel unappreciated for the work that I do for people I care about.

I run away when I don't know what is going on in my life.

I run away when I feel as if my voice is not heard.

I run away by staying out of family drama.

I run away by being passive and not confronting people who have wronged me.

I run away by not allowing someone to get too close to me.

I run away simply because I am afraid.

And as fast of a runner I claim to be, there are two things I can never run away from:

My circumstances and the truth

As I would run along the beach to get away from writing a long paper or facing a tough decision, I knew that I would run back to my responsibilities and obligations. I knew that no matter how far I ran, I would eventually come running back to campus, a place that I called home for four years. 

One evening, I remember sitting in front of my laptop completely frustrated from studying for a big exam and finishing a paper due the next day. I don't know how many lessons I need to learn that procrastination is a terrible idea but some things you choose to never learn. I left my books and laptop at my desk, grabbed a pair of shorts and left to run. I didn't even bring my music with me! I jogged for a little bit towards a Dunkin Donuts. Catching my breath, I paced back and forth in hopes of forgetting my responsibilities of a student. But I had to go back. I knew what was waiting for me and eventually I ran back to campus, slowly.

You can't outrun the truth. You can try to dodge it all you want but eventually you're going to have to face it. You can't run away from the fact that you and your dad do not have a great relationship. You can't run away when God is calling you to confront your past and let it be. You can't run away from the fact that you are afraid of being loved. I've been there! My biggest struggle and biggest joy have one thing in common, love. I love loving other people. I love encouraging people, being present at a friend's game, supporting a play, listening and giving gifts. I love to love people but my biggest struggle is letting someone love me. It's hard to believe that God loves me when I don't communicate with Him. It's hard to forgive myself for mistakes I have made. I feel uncomfortable when I am being served in general. And most importantly, I do not let someone get too close that they can hurt me. Let's face it, being completely vulnerable with another person has its risks and rewards. But I try to not let it get that far, especially in a dating relationship. As much as I desire marriage, I'm afraid to let love in. It's a struggle. At the first sign of danger or trouble, I run away. So when a relationship ends because of that fear, it is heartbreaking. You use the words that you considered a coward's way out only to mask your fear of seeing a person you care about leave you. And so you default to what you do best, you run...as far away as you possibly can.

But you can't run away from the truth forever. 

If you're a coward, that's all you'll ever do and God's not going to force you into heaven.

Oh and how the enemy loves to rip you apart when you leave the security of truth.

When you leave the house like a prodigal son or daughter in search of satisfaction you find that it leaves you only thirsty and hungry for more.

Why are you running away?

You spend so much time trying to escape life's problems or another person but why do you do it?

What are you so scared of?

I don't care how tough you think you are, how popular or talented you may be, what are you scared of?!

For once, can you be honest with yourself and God and admit you have been hurt.

Acknowledge that you are in pain and find help.

We have all been wounded by someone's words, actions or lack thereof.

Stop trying to cover it up with lies, stop living fake persona or running away from your problems.

Jesus says that He "has overcome the world."

He says that He is "the Way, the Truth, and the Life."

He says that you are more than conquerors!

In God we have the victory!

So stop running!

Stop striving.

Stop trying to earn grace.

Stop living life as a victim.

Let me clarify something.

I know that some of us reading have gone through some really tough stuff. Believe me, I've worked with teenagers who:

- have been neglected

- abused sexually

- gone through divorce

- almost committed suicide

- are gang kids

- live in terribly maintained homes

I am well aware that everybody has their own story to tell and for some of us the past is beyond excruciating.

At the same time, you need to know that you don't have to run away anymore. I'm not telling you to confront the person that molested you. I'm not telling you to be kind to the person who physically abused your mother or sister. I'm telling you to acknowledge that these things have happened to you and seek help!

Seek a counselor or a wise individual you trust!

Seek God!

For goodness sake you're running because you're afraid or hurt or both and you need to stop!

There's a difference in pretending and having closure.

Find out what that means for you!

Stop running away from God.

The difference between God and the program I worked at is that God will leave the 99 and chase after the one.

God loves you.

Let Him rescue you.

You need to start running to the Truth.

Become the person you were always meant to be

Run back home

Don't go kicking and screaming, but some of us may still do so.

Come back home and see arms wide open, waiting to love you.

And when you are ready, move on.

Let love in...and move on...

For People Who Forget

It's easy for me to remember little details like a person's favorite color and candy. I surprise myself when I am able to remember almost an day in terms of what happened and what was said if it really means a lot to me. For the most part however, I can be an incredibly forgetful person! The worse part about this is that I can be incredibly forgetful of important things like birthdays, promises to pray for people, taking drug tests, etc. It's not like middle school where I was in the habit of writing down EVERYTHING! How many of us remember getting a little agenda notebook for the school year and writing down the homework each day? Even if it was to read the next chapter (as if that was really homework in middle school), you would write it down anyway because the teacher asked you to before you left to go home. Some of us today probably still write down everything and carry with them a to-do list for the day/week. It lists all of the chores and errands that need to be done. In case you forgot what to do next you could always refer to your list. This is where I'm gonna tie in the Christian part of this blog entry.

The Bible.

Some of you might already be thinking, "The Bible is not a to-do list...God is more focused on the heart...Our to-do list is to love God and love people."

Yes. All of this is true and I believe it wholeheartedly.

HOWEVER, this does not mean that I haven't, at one point or another, treated the Bible and this Christian life as one big to-do list. Last year is a great example of such a time. I was the Director of Student Ministries at my college and had many responsibilities. At the same time, I was in full time school and taking the toughest courses in my major. Surprisingly, it was also my best year academically. Anyway, I wrote a to-do list on a little board near my desk a few times a week. Meet with this person, do homework at this time after choir, plan for this event, email this professor and so on and so forth. There were plenty of times in which I neglected my devotional time with God, prayer for other people and reading my Bible. All the while, I would set up these worship services, speak a message that God gave me and witness firsthand the Lord working in the lives of so many people. And yet, in the inside I was feeling convicted and guilty of the very thing I was encouraging so many people to do and that was to seek after God.

Isn't easy to forget just how much God has done for us? Isn't it amazing how much we take for granted in regards to God's provision not only for our physical needs but with friendships, relationships, emotional peace and spiritual health? My life had become so focused on doing rather than sitting, acting rather than being and rambling/complaining rather than listening and praising. I'm  roughly 9 months out of college and the memories of freshmen and sophomore year (best year ever of my college experience) are slowly fading away. My Junior and Senior year is still somewhat intact but even they are drifting away as well. People have forgotten what I've said and what I've done and that's ok. Honestly, my job as a DSM was not to be remembered as this "strong and mature" Christian but to serve just as Jesus came down to serve. So long as one person came to grow in their relationship with God because of what I said or did for them, it makes it all worth it. The sleep I never got, the hours spent at my desk (practically everyday lol), giving away so much of myself emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually to many acquaintances was an incredible sacrifice and a great privilege. I would not take any of it back.

Jesus came down to serve and not to be served.
He performed several miracles, helped countless people and taught in many different places.
He underwent Roman capital punishment, brutal and humiliating; and for every believer we can see that it was also relieving and beautiful.
He lived a blameless life but died betrayed, abandoned and loathed by the very ones he came to save.
The message of Jesus' death and resurrection is quite clear:

- You're free to go
- The check cleared
- You got a jail free card
- Death is now 6172846513543 and 1
- The veil was torn
- The communication gap has been bridged between you and God
- YOU ARE FORGIVEN AND LOVED

It's just like Jesus to give us something to do as a way to remember Him.
As if what He had done and taught before wasn't enough, he told us to partake in communion.
We tend to forget important things sometimes.
Maybe it's because we hear the same message so many times that we forgot what it was like when we heard it for the first time and believed.
Communion is that time in which we remember exactly what Jesus did, who He is and what He demands for each and every one of us, complete surrender.

When we remember things about another person we truly care about, both big and small, it makes a world of difference to that person. I sincerely ask that you go about your day or week and remember all those favorites of one particular person that is close to your heart. Please don't make this an excuse to give your crush more gifts or treat them extra special. Send that person an encouraging note, their favorite candy, that book they've been wanting, a link to see a youtube clip to make them laugh, give them a hug, show up at their intramural games, go see that weird thing they are a part of, get into that thing they enjoy, etc. The possibilities are endless. Write them down if you need to.

In the same way, build that relationship with God in the same way. Tell Him what you love about Him, read that book that He inspired, sit down and listen to what He has to say, ask Him questions and try to understand His point of view (harder than it sounds).

It's easy to forget what a person has said or done when you care about them so much.
It's probably just as easy to choose to forget when that person you love has hurt you in some way.
Maybe you're in a place right now where life is just hard:

- You've been laid off
- Someone has been diagnosed with cancer
- There was a recent death in the family
- School is overwhelming you with work

The list goes on and on. Maybe God right now is the person you blame for all of this.
Maybe you're angry that God hasn't done anything to fix your marriage because it's falling apart.
I'm not saying I know why God allows certain things to happen nor am I blaming everything on the results of our free will in a broken world.
I honestly don't know.
But what I do know is that God knows exactly what pain feels like.
He's the only one who truly understands.
I ask you to remember Jesus' sacrifice and resurrection and what that means for you right now.
I ask you to remember to love those close to your heart.
I'm asking you to love God and love people and to learn to love yourself.
I don't know about you but don't forget that it's ok to take care of yourself.
You're no good in helping anyone if you don't take care of yourself first.
If you want, take communion.
Make it a priority today to remember, to confess and to surrender.

For People with Potential

There's always going to be someone who will be, compared to you, more:

-Attractive

-Intelligent

-Athletic

-Coordinated

-Talented (musically)

-Organized

-Confident

The list can honestly go on for awhile if you also add "better at" too.

This goes without saying but I've realized that it's still nice to hear the truth once in a while.

I mean, honesty is not that played out is it?

The danger in honesty is when it gets twisted to become insecurity.

True facts:

I love to sing

I believe that I am an attractive guy (this is actually very recent)

I loved being a part of the gospel choir at my college and consider it to be family. But as much as I love singing, I am incredibly insecure of my voice. To be honest, I am a very bad singer and I know it. It makes me uncomfortable when people can hear my voice when I sing. This is part of the reason why I loved choir because no one ever heard me (except for the guys and ladies around me). 

Being a late bloomer I always thought of myself as unattractive. Whether it was because of my height, hair, style or personality, I really thought of myself as ugly. I mean, I have buck teeth. For years, I would not let my teeth show in pictures because of my insecurity. What girls would go for a guy with jacked up teeth? This is how I thought about myself for a very long time. Over the years, friends here and there would affirm with actual words that I am: handsome, good-looking or cute. I started to believe them more and more. Then, as I got older (college years), close friends would say the same thing and slowly but surely I began to believe it myself. I even smile in pictures with my teeth showing!

There's something missing in both examples.

Oh yeah! The God factor!

You see, as insecure as I am about my voice, when I am worshiping my God, none of that matters. It doesn't matter that people will hear me because more importantly, God is being praised and worshiped. Of course, this does not mean that I sing at the top of my lungs every Sunday morning. It means that if the Spirit moves me to do so, I won't be ashamed. It is declaring the message of that song to be true either of God, His church, or what He thinks of me.

As good looking as I believe myself to be, physical attraction won't last forever. What will matter when I'm fifty will be my personality, my compassion for those in difficult circumstances and passion for God and people. Another part of this is that as great it is to have people compliment you, you have to believe for yourself that you are enough. You have to believe that God thinks you are this incredible, good-looking and attractive person. If you allow people to dictate your beliefs about yourself, then you will have an identity crisis every hour of every day! It's better to have people compliment on the things that about you that will always last. Of course, the exception will be your spouse who will always believe you to be beautiful or handsome.

We all have insecurities if we can be honest with ourselves. However, do not let the enemy get to you. It's ok to be a bad singer. It's ok to not be really tall. It's ok to be uncoordinated. It's ok to be bad at instruments. But for every potential for negativity, there should be plenty of good to remember.

1. Remember what you're good at it.

2. Remember that you're good enough even if you aren't the best at something or if someone is better than you at a particular thing.

3. Remember what God thinks of you/who you are.

Final thought to leave you with:

Each one of us have the potential for greatness.

- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr was only 5'7"

- Helen Keller was deaf and blind.

- Almost any famous person in the Bible

- Even Jeremy Lin (I love basketball and it makes me proud to see an Asian American athlete on tv).

Just because you aren't good at something, doesn't mean that you are not the perfect person for the job. 

Nothing is out of your reach and no one is out of your league.

If God created us in His image, then know and believe that you're not a loser.

He made you just the way you are and thinks the world of you.

Just look at the cross.

I'm pretty sure you can somewhat guess how valuable you are in God's eyes.

For Single People Who Complain

Lately, there have been a lot of engagements, weddings and new relationships. Being a single guy I look on my Facebook, post a "Congrats!" on respective walls and move on. Occasionally, I like to think about getting into a relationship myself and if I feel really depressed, throw a pity party or self loathing social. I'm pretty sure a lot of single people out there feel jealous or envious when they see their friends end up in one of the three categories mentioned. Let's be honest single people, envy got to you at least once. This is not going to be a very long rant or anything but I really hope that you continue to read and soak it all in.

First of all, GET OVER YOURSELF!

Hold on...that seemed a little harsh to start off. Let's try this again.

Get over yourself...

There! Not as bad when it's not in all caps right?

Second, stop listening to those sappy love songs, watching those romance movies (that make you binge on ice cream) and for goodness sake quit trying to make other people feel sorry for you on Facebook/Twitter

Singleness is not a sentence, it's a season. 

It does not last forever (unless God called you to a lifetime of singleness like a couple of people I know).

Third, stop settling for Mr. or Miss. Right Now.

He's not gonna put a ring on it and probably won't change his ways.

She's gonna be end up being someone's baby mama or yours if you don't watch yourself.

Adopt some godly standards. Look up the Bible and read up on what that entails.

Fourth, work on the relationships you have going on right now! You have friendships, family ties and/or church family. Get closer to them! 

Lastly, get active outside and not on your Facebook or Twitter. Get involved in a ministry, do those hobbies you love so much and/or learn something new! Understand that you are single right now and if God has marriage in store for you, then you better go to the store, pick up some groceries and start learning how to cook. This goes for both guys and girls.

Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy yourselves and the time that is set apart right now to grow as a person. Start saving up on a ring fellas and in general. Love doesn't pay the bills so get yourself a job and get out of debt. I can tell you one thing will be certain. She's not gonna want to live in a run down apartment, sleep on your college futon and eat ramen noodles for dinner for the rest of her life. And if she becomes the bread winner in your family, that's fine. But you are still the priest of your family. You are the spiritual head of the household so you better start studying up on Jesus. Why? Easy. That's what a real man looks like.

Ladies, the guys you attract depend on the bait you throw out. Be careful about how you dress and the pictures you post on Facebook. I'm not saying you should wear winter clothing all year round.

I get that it is extremely hard to stay fashionable and be modest. Believe me, I work in retail. I get it. But, you can be modest and still look/feel good about yourself. You don't want a boy, you want a man. Let him be attracted to what really matters. You're not gonna look this good forever so put away those duck faces and understand that one you'll get wrinkles like your mom.

Most importantly, your relationship with God is the most important part of this whole equation. It's easy to say but really think about it. The God of the universe wants a deeper relationship with you. Marriage is supposed to show us what our relationship with God is supposed to look like. Why do you think the Bible refers to the church as the Bride of Christ? Think about adultery. If you were to get married right now with Mr. or Miss Perfect, how much would it hurt if after your honeymoon they cheat on you with someone else? Hurt won't even begin to describe it right? You would be absolutely devastated! To lust is to commit adultery. We have all cheated on God and deserve to be stoned to death! One of my favorite lines from Chris Tomlin is this:

You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same.

Let that soak in. He sees you for the cheating bride that you are and it DOES NOT CHANGE how much he cares for you and it didn't change his mind to die for you. It doesn't seem so harsh now for you to get over yourself right?

One last thing to leave you with is that marriage with another person is only temporary. This does not mean that you shouldn't love them with everything you got and work on your marriage until you die. What I am saying to you single people is that marriage is only a glimpse of what true paradise will be like when we are in heaven. Your first marriage is with God and everything else is second. I know that it hurts right now to be waiting and staying patient. I get it. It sucks. But you know what, it is humbling to understand that what you're going through may be of help for someone else. How does this help you? Well, when you get married, you will understand what sacrifice will really mean. Better to get it through your mind now that it's not all about you and what you want.

Get your stuff together people...

One more time for emphasis.

GET YOUR STUFF TOGETHER!