For Those Late Night Writers

If I miss one moment

From the gentle kiss of sunshine

To the crashing of summer waves

Then I'll paint a portrait

If I miss one chapter

From the season of independence

To the start of a legacy

Then I'll write a novel

If I miss one sentence

From the phrase of three words

To the truth revealed in those words

Then I'll create a song

If I miss this life

From the moments of inspiration

To the chapters unwritten

Then I've already taken my sentence

For People Who Run

"She's gone AWOL again."

"Who?"

"Who else?"

"Are you serious? Well, get ready to write another incident report. If she's not back in fifteen minutes then notify DCF, police and parents."

"Got it."

This was a normal occurrence when I worked at the Lowell Starr program. Some of the teens living at the home would leave for the sake of smoking to relieve stress or simply because it was hard to go a day without one. Sometimes, they would leave because they did not want to stay in the same area as the person they had fought (verbal and/or physical) moments earlier. Some kids would have a high risk of running away either from the home or school and end up going to where they used to live. Most times they come right back. Other times they stay with friends or family only to be found out by the police. As much as some of these kids try to run away, they either come back or someone finds them, at least in my experience at this particular program. Once they left the security of the program, it was not our responsibility to chase after them. We try our best to deescalate the situation before a person goes AWOL in order to keep them in the house by talking with them, taking them on walks or leaving them in their room. If they leave, we notified the proper authorities and leave them be. We would not chase down a client and leave the rest of the staff out of ratio with the rest of the group. Eventually, they come back willingly or is escorted back by the proper authorities.

Growing up I was always a runner. By that I mean I was pretty fast and still am. I loved running and rarely did I get tired while playing sports. I remember playing pick up ball with my friend Mike during my sophomore year in college and him telling me, "Houth, stop running. You just don't get tired." 

If you're reading this Mike I'm sorry I couldn't go to your last home game at ENC but I hope you guys rock it in the playoffs!

Anyway, running was always something fun to do and as I got older, running became an outlet when I became upset, angry or confused. I remember so often I would run along Wolly beach at night with my iPod not caring who recognized me. 

You see, just like some of the teenagers at the Starr, I am a runner. 

I run away when circumstances in my life become overwhelming

I run away when people I feel unappreciated for the work that I do for people I care about.

I run away when I don't know what is going on in my life.

I run away when I feel as if my voice is not heard.

I run away by staying out of family drama.

I run away by being passive and not confronting people who have wronged me.

I run away by not allowing someone to get too close to me.

I run away simply because I am afraid.

And as fast of a runner I claim to be, there are two things I can never run away from:

My circumstances and the truth

As I would run along the beach to get away from writing a long paper or facing a tough decision, I knew that I would run back to my responsibilities and obligations. I knew that no matter how far I ran, I would eventually come running back to campus, a place that I called home for four years. 

One evening, I remember sitting in front of my laptop completely frustrated from studying for a big exam and finishing a paper due the next day. I don't know how many lessons I need to learn that procrastination is a terrible idea but some things you choose to never learn. I left my books and laptop at my desk, grabbed a pair of shorts and left to run. I didn't even bring my music with me! I jogged for a little bit towards a Dunkin Donuts. Catching my breath, I paced back and forth in hopes of forgetting my responsibilities of a student. But I had to go back. I knew what was waiting for me and eventually I ran back to campus, slowly.

You can't outrun the truth. You can try to dodge it all you want but eventually you're going to have to face it. You can't run away from the fact that you and your dad do not have a great relationship. You can't run away when God is calling you to confront your past and let it be. You can't run away from the fact that you are afraid of being loved. I've been there! My biggest struggle and biggest joy have one thing in common, love. I love loving other people. I love encouraging people, being present at a friend's game, supporting a play, listening and giving gifts. I love to love people but my biggest struggle is letting someone love me. It's hard to believe that God loves me when I don't communicate with Him. It's hard to forgive myself for mistakes I have made. I feel uncomfortable when I am being served in general. And most importantly, I do not let someone get too close that they can hurt me. Let's face it, being completely vulnerable with another person has its risks and rewards. But I try to not let it get that far, especially in a dating relationship. As much as I desire marriage, I'm afraid to let love in. It's a struggle. At the first sign of danger or trouble, I run away. So when a relationship ends because of that fear, it is heartbreaking. You use the words that you considered a coward's way out only to mask your fear of seeing a person you care about leave you. And so you default to what you do best, you run...as far away as you possibly can.

But you can't run away from the truth forever. 

If you're a coward, that's all you'll ever do and God's not going to force you into heaven.

Oh and how the enemy loves to rip you apart when you leave the security of truth.

When you leave the house like a prodigal son or daughter in search of satisfaction you find that it leaves you only thirsty and hungry for more.

Why are you running away?

You spend so much time trying to escape life's problems or another person but why do you do it?

What are you so scared of?

I don't care how tough you think you are, how popular or talented you may be, what are you scared of?!

For once, can you be honest with yourself and God and admit you have been hurt.

Acknowledge that you are in pain and find help.

We have all been wounded by someone's words, actions or lack thereof.

Stop trying to cover it up with lies, stop living fake persona or running away from your problems.

Jesus says that He "has overcome the world."

He says that He is "the Way, the Truth, and the Life."

He says that you are more than conquerors!

In God we have the victory!

So stop running!

Stop striving.

Stop trying to earn grace.

Stop living life as a victim.

Let me clarify something.

I know that some of us reading have gone through some really tough stuff. Believe me, I've worked with teenagers who:

- have been neglected

- abused sexually

- gone through divorce

- almost committed suicide

- are gang kids

- live in terribly maintained homes

I am well aware that everybody has their own story to tell and for some of us the past is beyond excruciating.

At the same time, you need to know that you don't have to run away anymore. I'm not telling you to confront the person that molested you. I'm not telling you to be kind to the person who physically abused your mother or sister. I'm telling you to acknowledge that these things have happened to you and seek help!

Seek a counselor or a wise individual you trust!

Seek God!

For goodness sake you're running because you're afraid or hurt or both and you need to stop!

There's a difference in pretending and having closure.

Find out what that means for you!

Stop running away from God.

The difference between God and the program I worked at is that God will leave the 99 and chase after the one.

God loves you.

Let Him rescue you.

You need to start running to the Truth.

Become the person you were always meant to be

Run back home

Don't go kicking and screaming, but some of us may still do so.

Come back home and see arms wide open, waiting to love you.

And when you are ready, move on.

Let love in...and move on...

For People Who Forget

It's easy for me to remember little details like a person's favorite color and candy. I surprise myself when I am able to remember almost an day in terms of what happened and what was said if it really means a lot to me. For the most part however, I can be an incredibly forgetful person! The worse part about this is that I can be incredibly forgetful of important things like birthdays, promises to pray for people, taking drug tests, etc. It's not like middle school where I was in the habit of writing down EVERYTHING! How many of us remember getting a little agenda notebook for the school year and writing down the homework each day? Even if it was to read the next chapter (as if that was really homework in middle school), you would write it down anyway because the teacher asked you to before you left to go home. Some of us today probably still write down everything and carry with them a to-do list for the day/week. It lists all of the chores and errands that need to be done. In case you forgot what to do next you could always refer to your list. This is where I'm gonna tie in the Christian part of this blog entry.

The Bible.

Some of you might already be thinking, "The Bible is not a to-do list...God is more focused on the heart...Our to-do list is to love God and love people."

Yes. All of this is true and I believe it wholeheartedly.

HOWEVER, this does not mean that I haven't, at one point or another, treated the Bible and this Christian life as one big to-do list. Last year is a great example of such a time. I was the Director of Student Ministries at my college and had many responsibilities. At the same time, I was in full time school and taking the toughest courses in my major. Surprisingly, it was also my best year academically. Anyway, I wrote a to-do list on a little board near my desk a few times a week. Meet with this person, do homework at this time after choir, plan for this event, email this professor and so on and so forth. There were plenty of times in which I neglected my devotional time with God, prayer for other people and reading my Bible. All the while, I would set up these worship services, speak a message that God gave me and witness firsthand the Lord working in the lives of so many people. And yet, in the inside I was feeling convicted and guilty of the very thing I was encouraging so many people to do and that was to seek after God.

Isn't easy to forget just how much God has done for us? Isn't it amazing how much we take for granted in regards to God's provision not only for our physical needs but with friendships, relationships, emotional peace and spiritual health? My life had become so focused on doing rather than sitting, acting rather than being and rambling/complaining rather than listening and praising. I'm  roughly 9 months out of college and the memories of freshmen and sophomore year (best year ever of my college experience) are slowly fading away. My Junior and Senior year is still somewhat intact but even they are drifting away as well. People have forgotten what I've said and what I've done and that's ok. Honestly, my job as a DSM was not to be remembered as this "strong and mature" Christian but to serve just as Jesus came down to serve. So long as one person came to grow in their relationship with God because of what I said or did for them, it makes it all worth it. The sleep I never got, the hours spent at my desk (practically everyday lol), giving away so much of myself emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually to many acquaintances was an incredible sacrifice and a great privilege. I would not take any of it back.

Jesus came down to serve and not to be served.
He performed several miracles, helped countless people and taught in many different places.
He underwent Roman capital punishment, brutal and humiliating; and for every believer we can see that it was also relieving and beautiful.
He lived a blameless life but died betrayed, abandoned and loathed by the very ones he came to save.
The message of Jesus' death and resurrection is quite clear:

- You're free to go
- The check cleared
- You got a jail free card
- Death is now 6172846513543 and 1
- The veil was torn
- The communication gap has been bridged between you and God
- YOU ARE FORGIVEN AND LOVED

It's just like Jesus to give us something to do as a way to remember Him.
As if what He had done and taught before wasn't enough, he told us to partake in communion.
We tend to forget important things sometimes.
Maybe it's because we hear the same message so many times that we forgot what it was like when we heard it for the first time and believed.
Communion is that time in which we remember exactly what Jesus did, who He is and what He demands for each and every one of us, complete surrender.

When we remember things about another person we truly care about, both big and small, it makes a world of difference to that person. I sincerely ask that you go about your day or week and remember all those favorites of one particular person that is close to your heart. Please don't make this an excuse to give your crush more gifts or treat them extra special. Send that person an encouraging note, their favorite candy, that book they've been wanting, a link to see a youtube clip to make them laugh, give them a hug, show up at their intramural games, go see that weird thing they are a part of, get into that thing they enjoy, etc. The possibilities are endless. Write them down if you need to.

In the same way, build that relationship with God in the same way. Tell Him what you love about Him, read that book that He inspired, sit down and listen to what He has to say, ask Him questions and try to understand His point of view (harder than it sounds).

It's easy to forget what a person has said or done when you care about them so much.
It's probably just as easy to choose to forget when that person you love has hurt you in some way.
Maybe you're in a place right now where life is just hard:

- You've been laid off
- Someone has been diagnosed with cancer
- There was a recent death in the family
- School is overwhelming you with work

The list goes on and on. Maybe God right now is the person you blame for all of this.
Maybe you're angry that God hasn't done anything to fix your marriage because it's falling apart.
I'm not saying I know why God allows certain things to happen nor am I blaming everything on the results of our free will in a broken world.
I honestly don't know.
But what I do know is that God knows exactly what pain feels like.
He's the only one who truly understands.
I ask you to remember Jesus' sacrifice and resurrection and what that means for you right now.
I ask you to remember to love those close to your heart.
I'm asking you to love God and love people and to learn to love yourself.
I don't know about you but don't forget that it's ok to take care of yourself.
You're no good in helping anyone if you don't take care of yourself first.
If you want, take communion.
Make it a priority today to remember, to confess and to surrender.

For People with Potential

There's always going to be someone who will be, compared to you, more:

-Attractive

-Intelligent

-Athletic

-Coordinated

-Talented (musically)

-Organized

-Confident

The list can honestly go on for awhile if you also add "better at" too.

This goes without saying but I've realized that it's still nice to hear the truth once in a while.

I mean, honesty is not that played out is it?

The danger in honesty is when it gets twisted to become insecurity.

True facts:

I love to sing

I believe that I am an attractive guy (this is actually very recent)

I loved being a part of the gospel choir at my college and consider it to be family. But as much as I love singing, I am incredibly insecure of my voice. To be honest, I am a very bad singer and I know it. It makes me uncomfortable when people can hear my voice when I sing. This is part of the reason why I loved choir because no one ever heard me (except for the guys and ladies around me). 

Being a late bloomer I always thought of myself as unattractive. Whether it was because of my height, hair, style or personality, I really thought of myself as ugly. I mean, I have buck teeth. For years, I would not let my teeth show in pictures because of my insecurity. What girls would go for a guy with jacked up teeth? This is how I thought about myself for a very long time. Over the years, friends here and there would affirm with actual words that I am: handsome, good-looking or cute. I started to believe them more and more. Then, as I got older (college years), close friends would say the same thing and slowly but surely I began to believe it myself. I even smile in pictures with my teeth showing!

There's something missing in both examples.

Oh yeah! The God factor!

You see, as insecure as I am about my voice, when I am worshiping my God, none of that matters. It doesn't matter that people will hear me because more importantly, God is being praised and worshiped. Of course, this does not mean that I sing at the top of my lungs every Sunday morning. It means that if the Spirit moves me to do so, I won't be ashamed. It is declaring the message of that song to be true either of God, His church, or what He thinks of me.

As good looking as I believe myself to be, physical attraction won't last forever. What will matter when I'm fifty will be my personality, my compassion for those in difficult circumstances and passion for God and people. Another part of this is that as great it is to have people compliment you, you have to believe for yourself that you are enough. You have to believe that God thinks you are this incredible, good-looking and attractive person. If you allow people to dictate your beliefs about yourself, then you will have an identity crisis every hour of every day! It's better to have people compliment on the things that about you that will always last. Of course, the exception will be your spouse who will always believe you to be beautiful or handsome.

We all have insecurities if we can be honest with ourselves. However, do not let the enemy get to you. It's ok to be a bad singer. It's ok to not be really tall. It's ok to be uncoordinated. It's ok to be bad at instruments. But for every potential for negativity, there should be plenty of good to remember.

1. Remember what you're good at it.

2. Remember that you're good enough even if you aren't the best at something or if someone is better than you at a particular thing.

3. Remember what God thinks of you/who you are.

Final thought to leave you with:

Each one of us have the potential for greatness.

- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr was only 5'7"

- Helen Keller was deaf and blind.

- Almost any famous person in the Bible

- Even Jeremy Lin (I love basketball and it makes me proud to see an Asian American athlete on tv).

Just because you aren't good at something, doesn't mean that you are not the perfect person for the job. 

Nothing is out of your reach and no one is out of your league.

If God created us in His image, then know and believe that you're not a loser.

He made you just the way you are and thinks the world of you.

Just look at the cross.

I'm pretty sure you can somewhat guess how valuable you are in God's eyes.

For Single People Who Complain

Lately, there have been a lot of engagements, weddings and new relationships. Being a single guy I look on my Facebook, post a "Congrats!" on respective walls and move on. Occasionally, I like to think about getting into a relationship myself and if I feel really depressed, throw a pity party or self loathing social. I'm pretty sure a lot of single people out there feel jealous or envious when they see their friends end up in one of the three categories mentioned. Let's be honest single people, envy got to you at least once. This is not going to be a very long rant or anything but I really hope that you continue to read and soak it all in.

First of all, GET OVER YOURSELF!

Hold on...that seemed a little harsh to start off. Let's try this again.

Get over yourself...

There! Not as bad when it's not in all caps right?

Second, stop listening to those sappy love songs, watching those romance movies (that make you binge on ice cream) and for goodness sake quit trying to make other people feel sorry for you on Facebook/Twitter

Singleness is not a sentence, it's a season. 

It does not last forever (unless God called you to a lifetime of singleness like a couple of people I know).

Third, stop settling for Mr. or Miss. Right Now.

He's not gonna put a ring on it and probably won't change his ways.

She's gonna be end up being someone's baby mama or yours if you don't watch yourself.

Adopt some godly standards. Look up the Bible and read up on what that entails.

Fourth, work on the relationships you have going on right now! You have friendships, family ties and/or church family. Get closer to them! 

Lastly, get active outside and not on your Facebook or Twitter. Get involved in a ministry, do those hobbies you love so much and/or learn something new! Understand that you are single right now and if God has marriage in store for you, then you better go to the store, pick up some groceries and start learning how to cook. This goes for both guys and girls.

Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy yourselves and the time that is set apart right now to grow as a person. Start saving up on a ring fellas and in general. Love doesn't pay the bills so get yourself a job and get out of debt. I can tell you one thing will be certain. She's not gonna want to live in a run down apartment, sleep on your college futon and eat ramen noodles for dinner for the rest of her life. And if she becomes the bread winner in your family, that's fine. But you are still the priest of your family. You are the spiritual head of the household so you better start studying up on Jesus. Why? Easy. That's what a real man looks like.

Ladies, the guys you attract depend on the bait you throw out. Be careful about how you dress and the pictures you post on Facebook. I'm not saying you should wear winter clothing all year round.

I get that it is extremely hard to stay fashionable and be modest. Believe me, I work in retail. I get it. But, you can be modest and still look/feel good about yourself. You don't want a boy, you want a man. Let him be attracted to what really matters. You're not gonna look this good forever so put away those duck faces and understand that one you'll get wrinkles like your mom.

Most importantly, your relationship with God is the most important part of this whole equation. It's easy to say but really think about it. The God of the universe wants a deeper relationship with you. Marriage is supposed to show us what our relationship with God is supposed to look like. Why do you think the Bible refers to the church as the Bride of Christ? Think about adultery. If you were to get married right now with Mr. or Miss Perfect, how much would it hurt if after your honeymoon they cheat on you with someone else? Hurt won't even begin to describe it right? You would be absolutely devastated! To lust is to commit adultery. We have all cheated on God and deserve to be stoned to death! One of my favorite lines from Chris Tomlin is this:

You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same.

Let that soak in. He sees you for the cheating bride that you are and it DOES NOT CHANGE how much he cares for you and it didn't change his mind to die for you. It doesn't seem so harsh now for you to get over yourself right?

One last thing to leave you with is that marriage with another person is only temporary. This does not mean that you shouldn't love them with everything you got and work on your marriage until you die. What I am saying to you single people is that marriage is only a glimpse of what true paradise will be like when we are in heaven. Your first marriage is with God and everything else is second. I know that it hurts right now to be waiting and staying patient. I get it. It sucks. But you know what, it is humbling to understand that what you're going through may be of help for someone else. How does this help you? Well, when you get married, you will understand what sacrifice will really mean. Better to get it through your mind now that it's not all about you and what you want.

Get your stuff together people...

One more time for emphasis.

GET YOUR STUFF TOGETHER!

For People Who Pray

Hey God,

What's the deal?

Why are people so crazy?

Why do they lie, cheat, kill and steal?

Why is life so hard?

Why can't I hear you?

Why do I have a tough time believing that

What you say is true?

Right now I'm questioning

Doubting

And even complaining about your plans

But what I hate the most is that while I'm complaining

I go to church, take communion

And thank you for your blood stained hands.

I feel like a hypocrite

But I'm still really upset

When you told me to follow you

I didn't expect this much pain and regret

But I don't regret you or

The choice I made to follow

It's just that sometimes I'm jealous

Because I'd rather be shallow that what I am now,

Hollow...

Tomorrow I want to try harder

And be better than before

I mean at least I'm not the one breaking in

With a gun trying to rob a liquor store

My sin isn't as bad as

Some celebrities we all know

At least I'm not lying to get into a woman's pants

And recording it on video

But seriously God 

I can't complain to you

Because you walked with me

You carried me through

I'm trying to understand grace

And forgiving other people

Even when I see them

Entering the same white steeple

Call me immature or childish

Because God I'm not quite there yet

It's hard for me to live a life in which

I forgive and forget

I have my scars but

You also have your own

I still can't believe you've forgiven me

Instead of throwing the first stone

Even though there's so much hurt in the world

So much pain that time can't heal

I want to be a person of change

And show-off a God whose love is real

When people leave me and

And I have to start over again

I can always count on you

To stick around until the end

Even though I'm not perfect

It's not an excuse to not strive to be holy

People can judge me all they want

Only your opinion matters to me

So God here I am

The real me

The new me you've created

Ready to be who I was meant to be

I know that our society has problems

And everywhere else does too

But you have overcome the world

And paved the way for us to love you

So God I'm sorry

I know this life of mine is borrowed

But if I happen to live another day

Then help me to try harder tomorrow

For the Wedding

I stand mystified at the sight of truth
Staring at the grandiose of all that is real
The well of sensibility and rationality becomes dry
And what is left is what I feel
The sensation of the senses achieving their maximum capabilities 
Causes each one to be jealous for attention
Demanding me to listen as they plead their case
But I focus on sight and leave the others in suspension
The solitary thought of disbelief becomes engrossed by its counterpart
Clarity becomes a synonym for reality
Dreams are finally awakened
And even though the future is shrouded in mystery
The best friend named fear has lost his way,
Forever wandering in a desolate wasteland of past regrets
All that is left is to finish painting the portrait
Priced so high that 7 worldly wonders would be in debt
Please grant me a few more seconds
Allow the mind to comprehend and the paint to dry
Nothing in life has ever been more beautiful than right now
Walking down this aisle is my lovely bride